My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
