Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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