She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
