Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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