i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
