Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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