Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Couch. On fire.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
