Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize