Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Pooping to opera.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
