I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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