This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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