is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've blown a few things in my day
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
