her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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