she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
