somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
