the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
