Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
