the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
