I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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