went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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