I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
