and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
