Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
