hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
