Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
