I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
