i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
