I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well I just put wine in my tea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
