Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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