somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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