Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
