At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
