Kiss
Puke
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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