The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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