you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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