You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize