I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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