don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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