Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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