Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
