Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
