You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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