Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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