just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found the puke drawer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
