Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize