xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
