i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
