just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
