My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
