bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
