It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
