She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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