did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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