That's when you crack a 10am beer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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