Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize