I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
