ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
