Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I will pee on everything he values.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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