shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
