he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
