So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
