Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
