You really coming over, don't trick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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