You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
