just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
