When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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