Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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