I am spending my child support on dildos
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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