I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
