Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
