hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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