Please, let me fuck your mom
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize