Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
