you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
