my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
