none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
