it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
