I'm laying in your front yard are you home
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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